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I SPEAK

I speak
In dreams I seek
I keep
The poem I

I whisper
I touch
I explore
In dreams I adore
The poem I

In rapture sleep
In vagueness seek
In angst adore
In dreams I bind
The poem I

Dream-bound
Vague dreams
Angst-bound
The poem I


(3.26pm/17 December 2003)
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Alvin, Geda and I went for a short cigarette break outside and talk turned to what we might name our kids. The almanac came up (I didn't know that name-giving had its own almanac...), then biblical names. Imagine calling your kid Gene (full name: Genesis Exodus Deuteronomy Numbers Proverbs L. Bugtai), or calling your sixth and seventh kid names from the NT (New Testament) like Armageddon, Revelation, or even Galatians. Galatians wouldn't work for a boy, unless he's effeminate or something.

I was named after three people: my nickname starts with a "B" because my dad was nicknamed Boy --- an affectation in our town in Leyte, especially if one happens to be the Junior. My first name was taken from my paternal lolo. Almost every generation in our family (Papa's side) has a "Jose," lurking at the wings, wearing round silver-rimmed glasses, eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep, and the ever-present Marlboro Red pinched by two digits now stained amber-brown by the nicotine. I don't know whom I was named for when I was given a second name. The saint on my birthdate was female, my older and less neurotic bro was already named after my dad, and I think one of my aunts objected to me being named after an apostle. I don't know why. I thought I looked angelic when I was a baby --- What gives? Talk did come up about it and it was floated around that my second name may have been taken from an ex of my mom's... but how could she have an ex? She grew up in an exclusive school for girls' dorm and had a rabid acid-mouthed mother who swore in Waray and Spanish with the ease of a ballerina and the sophistication of a Philosophy professor. And Mama says that Papa was the first and only man in her life. Okay. And we're moving, we're moving...

If I have a girl, I was planning to call it, este, her, Pia Alexi. But my better half vehemently disagrees. I had to relent, I did see her point. Naming your kids after your crushes is definitely out of the question. I mean, would you name your child Judy Ann (leave the Santos out. It's damned too obvious.) My current flavor is Juliana Palermo. Legs to die for. I could name one kid Juliana and the other Palermo and the third Sicily, and the fourth, Vito.... and we're moving... moving....

I have a friend, in fact a fellow seminarian, who was named after the Roman senator, Diogenes. Last I heard from him, he had confessed to have entertained ideas about taking up Fine Arts in Tarlac State U, playing for the football varsity and going off the deep end. That was seven, eight years ago. I haven't heard from him. God, I hope he hasn't gone off the deep end and had become a cross-dresser...




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